The way that I feel about something. About anything is fact. It's real.
With some gentle guidance I might be able to better understand my feelings. Because in those challenging moments what I perceive I'm feeling may not be entirely accurate.
However - the fact remains. That my emotions are always valid.
What is NOT valid however is the reason, justification and blame I take on to explain away my feelings.
No one can make me FEEL the way I feel. Only I can choose how I feel - even if that choice is nearly always a reactive, unconscious decision.
The Story is BS
The excuse or story behind why I feel a certain way is also often bullshit. It's a fabrication and mish-mash of a multitude of generalisations, distortions and deletions.
A single moment or a myriad of triggers may lead to a feeling. But the story behind it is often a crock. If I fall into the trap of believing that "you made me feel X" then I'm truly kidding myself.
Another 'cop out' is the insincere preamble of "I feel..." when it's followed by "that you.... Da Da Da". It's like when I hear folk do the "with all due respect but..." If you have to say that, then it ain't with respect.
If you want to share how you feel. Then share how YOU feel about YOURSELF. This is key. How can you hope to connect with another person or people, if you ignore your own emotions. And start questioning others. Be mindful of the bullshit story that you've made up to feel better. Sharing how you feel means sharing WHAT YOU feel firstly about YOURSELF.
Simply "I feel frustrated / sad / excited / loved, etc". Without the story.
So Let Me Feel
So why can this be so hard? Society as a whole wants to distance ourselves fro our own emotions. Possibly based on generational beliefs of stoicism. Keep our feelings 'bottled up'.
And for me, it's always easier to tell others what I think THEY need to be doing feeling, etc. Without going internal first.
And here's another kicker. So often that 'thing' we feel about someone else. Is often a mirror of our own feelings. The "I feel in you that ..." so often is our unconscious mirroring back that very thing from someone else. Now bear that in mind cause that some powerful stuff right there.
When I remove my 'story', this is the time to honour my feelings. They are real and serve a purpose. Initially one of protection and frequently one of learning.
It doesn't matter if I don't fully understand what I feel. It may be good, bad or otherwise. And the more I am OK with simply BEING with my feelings. And allowing my emotions to come to the surface. The more I honour myself. And also the more I honour those around me.
I'll make it through. It will always pass. And for now - let me feel my feelings because they are valid. Always.
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